Memorial for baby Axl

April 11, 2015 was supposed to be a different day though, it should have been the day of our gender reveal party. We should have been celebrating happiness and joy for our little boy. Instead we spent that day having a memorial service for our son. My husband and I knew it was a boy from day one, not sure why but there was a strong feeling it was a boy. We had made plans for our little boy and had started dreaming about all the things he would do as he grew. As our little boy had been born a week prior this was had changed all together, it was no long filled with joy, happiness, and dreams. This was was now filled with mourning, broken hearts, and tears as we said good bye to him. It was not a final good bye, it was a see you later little boy. As we released balloons in his honor saying "Baby Boy" as we should have been celebrating his gender this day, the pain of losing him came rushing back. Once again I wished it was all a horrible nightmare and none of this was real. As this nightmare is all too real, I am glad to have my amazing husband by my side and help me get through this. He has been my shining light at the end of this dark tunnel. I know he is grieving in his own way, but if he was not here to hold me when I cry, to tell me everything will be okay, that our little boy had great things to do in heaven, and that someday we will be blessed with a rainbow baby I am not sure I could handle this loss. This loss of a child that I have been earning for, dreaming of, and planning for and it was all ripped from us in a moment.

As this loss of our son Axl has been hard, it is nice to know we have family and friends that are there for us. This was shown to us as we celebrated Axl's short life at his memorial service. At this service I was happy to share my little boy's items, his story, and celebrate his life with them as if he had been with us for years, not weeks. So for now my sweet Angel Boy, I will see you in the morning light and in the starry night. We will see you again one day, and we will get to be a family together, not apart.