To our little angel baby Axl Lynn,
Daddy and I found out we were expecting you at Christmas
time, you were one of the best Christmas presents we could have ever asked for.
As soon as we found out we couldn’t keep it a secret for long. On Christmas day we told your Grandpas and
Grandmas, along with your Aunts and Uncle we would have another baby next year
with us at Christmas. Everyone was very happy and excited; we made your Aunt
Torri cry! You were about 4 weeks old when we found out about you.
Though we waited until our very first time seeing you to
tell everyone else about our very exciting news, it was hard to keep it a
secret. My little Angel, you gave Daddy
and I our next gift on Mommy’s birthday 2/6/15.
That is when we got to see you for the very first time. Your heartbeat
was a strong 165 bmp, and you were very tiny since you were around 10 weeks old
the very first time we saw you. Daddy said you looked like a frog. J We were able to bring
little pictures of you home to show everyone.
That night after seeing you for the first time we couldn’t keep it a
secret any more. We told your Great Grandma and Grandpa Ripley about you, and
they were very excited like the rest of us. After telling them we couldn’t wait
any longer, we had to announce it to everyone. Daddy being a fan of video games
had a wonderful idea. We placed two of Daddy’s controllers on the floor next to
a brand new one with your picture saying player three was joining the game. It
was the best feeling to announce to everyone we were expecting our little
buddle of joy.
As we all shared in the happiness over the next four weeks I
couldn’t wait to get to hear your heart beat again. On March 6th I
got to listen to your heartbeat and it was a strong 155 bpm. Little did Mommy know this would be the last
time she would get to hear that wonderful sound. I now wish I would have been
able to record it for Daddy to hear for the last time too. When I left that appointment I made one to listen
to your heartbeat on 4/3/15. Then, Daddy and I were supposed to go 4/9/15 to
find out if you were a boy or girl. We were very excited to get to find out if
you were a boy or a girl and couldn’t wait. Mommy had a strong feeling that you
were a boy since the day she found out about you. Little did I know I was
right!
Mommy and Daddy started picking out little things for you,
and then a few big things too. We set up your pack n’ play, high chair, and
bassinet in anticipation. We just couldn’t wait to get your room ready. Daddy had big plans for you too. Since we
felt deeply in our hearts you were a boy before we really knew yet, Daddy was
ready to take you riding in cars and on dirt bikes. I was convinced you would
learn to ride before you learned how to walk or talk. I eventually found out that you were meant to
ride bikes when I felt your strong kicks. I tried to have Daddy feel your kicks
through my belly, but you would play around and not kick when daddy was there.
I am not sure Daddy could feel them since they were faintly felt through my
belly, but apparently you wanted to wait to show Daddy your kicking
abilities. Daddy said you were excited
for Super Cross. He must have been right because you were kicking away and
seemed to want to ride. Mommy felt your strong little kicks for the last time
that she remembers on Tuesday. You were a little quiet on Wednesday, and I
didn’t feel you kick at all on Thursday. Mommy just thought you might be very
tired!
On 4/3/15 (Friday) Mommy was very excited to listen to your
heartbeat again, hoping for a strong beat again. As Mommy went to her
appointment she laid down on the table and the doctor was trying to use their
Doppler Machine to find your little heartbeat. The doctor could only hear
Mommy’s heartbeat and thought maybe you were trying to hide on us so we moved
to doing an ultrasound. Mommy was kind of excited for that because she could
see you too! When the doctor started the Ultrasound Mommy got a little scared
because she wasn’t hearing anything and the Doctor looked a little concerned.
After a little while the doctor told Mommy that she was very sorry, but she
could not find a heartbeat. She said she wanted to bring in another doctor to
make sure she didn’t miss anything. Mommy knew she was just being nice and knew
that she was right. She didn’t need
another doctor to tell her. Another doctor came in and looked at you. Once
again, she too could not find your heartbeat. This doctor started talking about
other things she’d seen. She said you had fluid around your skull and tummy. This
meant you died about a day ago. Mommy was wrong you weren’t sleeping on
Thursday when she couldn’t feel you; you had gone to heaven instead. Mommy’s doctor
let her call Daddy at work, it was the hardest phone call Mommy has ever had to
make. Daddy didn’t want to believe it when she told him. Daddy traveled as fast
as he could to get to the doctor’s office. When Daddy arrived we cried for a
while, and then the Doctor came in to talk with us. She told Mommy she would
have to go to the hospital, and they would induce labor so you could be born.
This was hard to hear knowing I would have to give birth to you knowing you
were already a little angel. Mommy and Daddy saw you again on the Ultrasound so
the doctor could show Daddy that there was not a heartbeat anymore. She took
some pictures of you and then we talked some more. Mommy and Daddy just wanted
to know what happened to you. She didn’t
have an answer for us until you were born, but she gave us possibilities. We
then left the doctor’s heartbroken and came home to get ready to go to the
hospital to have you.
We arrived at the hospital around 3:30pm and checked in. Everyone
was very nice to us. Mommy knew they
were only being extra nice because they knew you were an angel already. Shortly after we got there they took us to
get more Ultrasounds done. I did not want this but knew it had to be done. They
took more pictures of you to make sure your body grew properly and you had all
your organs. Sadly, after all of this they couldn’t tell much because of the
fluid that was around your skull and tummy. This meant that we couldn’t get any
answers as to what happened to you until you were born. Mommy was given the
medicine to induce labor around 5:00pm. Your Grandma Nighbert, Grandma and
Grandpa Ripley, and Aunt Amanda all came up to see Mommy and Daddy. We all
talked about you a little bit, about what we knew so far and then talked about
other things as well. It was hard not to cry when we talked about you.
After all of your loving visitors left it was just Mommy and
Daddy waiting for your arrival. Mommy didn’t feel any signs of labor so they
gave her more medicine around 9:00pm, 1:00am, and then again around 5:00am.
Mommy couldn’t get any sleep due to being uncomfortable, sad, and heartbroken every
time she heard another Mommy get to hear the sound of her baby crying. I would
have loved to hear that just once with you.
It was shortly after 5:00am Mommy started feeling contractions. This
meant you were getting ready, or at least Mommy’s body was getting ready to
have you. The contractions started getting stronger and hurt. Daddy was there
to help Mommy through this and held her hand. It wasn’t long, and around 5:26am
Mommy had Daddy call the doctor in to the room. Mommy delivered her sweet
little angel on 4/4/15. Since we didn’t know if you were a boy or a girl the doctor
looked first thing and told us you were a boy. Mommy and Daddy decided to name
you Axl Lynn. Axl is for all the things you will do in heaven working on cars
and bikes, and like Daddy said when we knew you were an angel God needed more
50cc riders in Heaven. Your middle name Lynn is after Daddy’s middle name. We hope
all your family members met you in Heaven as soon as you arrived. We know they
will take good care of you while Mommy and Daddy have to wait their turns to
see you. Mommy and Daddy enjoyed getting
to hold you and see your little face. You looked a lot like Daddy already. We
took pictures with you, cried over you, and just held your precious little
body. You were very tiny, but left a very large imprint on Mommy and Daddy’s
lives. It was hard leaving the hospital without you and knowing we would never
get to bring you home, but for some reason God needed you. The Doctor said you
were born with a cleft palette and said something happened with your genetics,
which is why you were not able to make it through the whole pregnancy. Mommy
and Daddy were relieved to have an answer as to why we couldn’t bring you home,
but it still hurts.
Axl, Mommy and Daddy
will think of you often, cry over you, and celebrate small things with you even
though you are in Heaven. We love you and will be waiting for our chance to see
our little boy one day when we join you in Heaven. For now keep an eye on
everyone and know we love you and will never stop loving you. We will miss you
as we have to celebrate your birthdays without you, and all of the Holidays we
know you would have loved. We will be telling your story as much as we can, and
your future little brothers and sisters will know about their big brother in
heaven. You will be a part of our family and will forever be remembered by
everyone in it.
Love,
Mommy and Daddy
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