It hurts a little too much....

As the days and weeks have gone by there are many things that just hurt a little too much. I am sorry that  I have ignored you my sisters and friends with new babies as it hurts a little too much. It hurts a little too much to watch you cuddle your baby, feed you baby, and even listen to your baby cry. You have no idea what I would do to get to do that with my baby Axl. It hurts a little too much to be happy for you my pregnant friends, it reminds me of all the things that were recently ripped away from me a little too fast. It also reminds me of the things I will not get to do with my own son, there will not be maternity pictures, there will not be a gender reveal party, there will not be a baby shower, and there will not be a new little baby to cuddle in my arms. There will not be a lot of things that I get to experience with  my little boy and it just hurts a little too much. My friends who want to go out and have a good time on a Friday night, I am sorry it hurts a little too much. It hurts a little too much to smile and laugh without thinking about my son and not talking about him when I need to. I know you may be not be comfortable talking about him, but I need to and it hurts too much to ignore the fact he was here. It hurts to walk by our nursery and see the door closed as I know there are many different supplied that should have been used by my son, but now they sit empty and are just waiting. The pain is just too real to deal with some of these things right now, but how do  I go day to day without running into these pains? I face these things that hurt just a little too much on a daily basis and I try to be strong, but sometimes it hurts too much to be strong. There are times where the hurt is too much and I want to hide from all the pain...