A month has passed

As I got to work today and wrote the date on my whiteboard, it slapped me in the face it has been a whole month since we lost our son, baby Axl. I didn't realize a month had passed already, it has been a crazy roller coaster of emotions I guess I didn't realize how fast time was moving. I don't feel like I lost a month of my life, I feel like time has moved too quickly. It does not feel like a month ago I was giving birth to our angel, it does not seem like it has been that long since I held his lifeless body in my arms. In this month I have been healing, but in the past month there have been so many things to happen to make losing our baby a new fresh wound all over again. I know many don't mean to, but those who didn't know we lost him and ask me how far along I am, or how I am doing makes losing him come back all over again. It is also seeing pregnant women on the store, or other announcing their pregnancies that make it hurt like we just lost him. The one that hurts the most are the moms that are due around the same time as I was and having them update how their pregnancy is going, as for mine stopped, and will no longer progress. I know there will be many things coming up that will make losing him a fresh wound all over again, for example mother's day, the month of June when I would have had baby showers going on, and the month of August when he was due. I can only hope that I can be strong like I have been to reach these moments in time and use them as times to honor my son and not be sad. I am proud to say as a mother of an angel, in just a short month I have been able to start to enjoy life again and not be sad all the time. I know my son would want his mother to be happy and enjoy life whether he was here to experience it with me or not. As many more days, months, and years pass by I will continue to honor my son in every way I know how, and my newest way is learning how to ride a dirt bike so I can enjoy time with my husband, but also enjoy a sport our son would have loved. I may be slowly learning to honor him and slowly my heart will heal and hopefully will stop being ripped open every time something reminds me of him.

Happy 1 month old Axl, Mommy and Daddy love you!