The Rainbow, will it stay bright?

Well it has been a long time since I have been on here... it is almost easier to not think about all of what we have been through and let life consume you.

This journey has definitely been one roller coaster  I didn't think we would ever be on. However, after trying for another baby for almost 2 years and a long process, we are finally pregnant with what I hope to be our Rainbow Baby. A Rainbow Baby is a child that is born living after one that has passed away. It is a little scary as my due date for this bundle of joy is 2 days past the due date of our Angel Axl Lynn. Axl Lynn: August 31, 2015. Rainbow Baby: September 2, 2017. A 2 year difference to the date almost. It has always been a thought of mine about having children 2 years apart, I never thought I would have children two years apart while one is watching over in Heaven. I have this feeling that Axl will bless us with his brother or sister on his due date though, that would be something very special.

The joys of being pregnant again have been followed by worry and concern. As I sit here typing this I am 18 weeks today, it was only 18 weeks and 4 days when Axl passed away in utero. I know I will be worried awaiting for 18 weeks and 4 days to come to be able to see if my child has once again passed away, or if we now get to go into uncharted territories with this pregnancy. This pregnancy has been completely different from my pregnancy with Axl, which brings me comfort but also brings me anxiety. What will happen this time, what if I don't know anything is wrong, will I get to hold my LIVING child this time, or will it end in the same way as before sitting and holding a beautiful little angel that was too precious for earth?

I wonder if it will get easier after we get passed the date of Axl's passing in this pregnancy. Will I ever be able to feel safe carrying my child? Will I get to fully enjoy this pregnancy without worry that my child may have just passed away inside me?

 The journey continues as we come up on Axl's Birthday, Rainbow Baby's future, and what our lives will have in store for us. How will this new journey be different from last time?