Irrational Fears

It is the irrational fears that follow the death of your child that end up consuming your life. You lost your child in such a quick moment, who is to say it will not happen to anyone else you love. As my husband leaves without me every time he goes to work, to the store, or any other errand I have the irrational fear he will be killed. If I have not heard from him throughout the day panic sets in. My brain starts racing he could be hurt, killed, or something else has happened to him to where he cannot reach me. In that moment all I want to do is be with him, have him home and safe where I know everything is okay. My irrational fear has only grown since losing our son, it grows more and more as it has been longer since Axl has been gone. You never know what will happen, because no one has promised tomorrow, today, or this hour. I hope this irrational fear of losing everyone I love dwindles away at some point, but it is also the reminder to make sure I say I love you. In some ways my irrational fear has taught me to love more and live in the moment.